Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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