It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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