Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize