Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
