if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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