Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
