I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
