I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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