I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
