So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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