Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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