Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize