I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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