I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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