I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
