shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
porn star boner night. come get it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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