Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
