Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a search helicopter?!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
