all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize