just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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