I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
