I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
