I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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