I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
