i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
