I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
