i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
