I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize