two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
