Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize