If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
not ubering you a puppy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
