so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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