So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
