Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
