he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
