so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize