im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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