I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
