I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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