How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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