my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
