You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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