This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
