I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
