come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
