The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
