you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My balls are so social today.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
