see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
