I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
