I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
