you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize