She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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