IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
