I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
