I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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