Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
