She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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