im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
