All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
