porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
