Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
