Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
