i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
