The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
