apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
