just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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