I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
