dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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