i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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