This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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