and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
