...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
