$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
