We won't sleep together?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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