We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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