I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
