hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize