I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think my mom watched the whole time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
