I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
