Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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