I like to think it a success when the cops are called
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
