is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
