i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
