i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
