If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
