your parents love me but you hate me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
