i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
