i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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