I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
