I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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